#I don't have anything to talk about but I want it to pay attention to me
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♡ can't get my mind off of possessive!xavier who gets off on seeing you get jealous too
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"See, there was no reason to be pouting all night, hm?” You couldn’t help but write against the grip of the man behind you, his rough hand grabbing your face, forcing your eyes to meet his over your shoulder. He almost looked possessed, his normally sweet gaze was different now...soft blue eyes darkened as he looked at you, ravenous.
“Admit it—you were jealous. All that attitude the whole ride home, giving me the silent treatment—fuck—just because I was talking to another girl. You say I’m possessive, but I think you might be worse than me, princess.” He was almost growling into your ear, his warm breath sending shivers down your spine as his chest pushed you forward, forcing your tits against the sliding glass door that led out to the balcony. The heat from your sensitive nipples and your warm flesh causing the glass to fog up as he pressed you into it. The dim moonlight illuminated his face, eyes staring into your soul as he thrusted himself into you relentlessly. It was as if you were in a trance, mouth hanging open, panties down around your ankles, as Xavier forced himself in and out of your hole at a pace that made you clench around him just right. It was perfect—at least until that oh-so perfect pace was disrupted, the once full feeling suddenly gone as your face was jerked lightly from side to side.
“Unh uh, you don't get to play braindead slut this time. Pay attention—tell me what I wanna hear or I’ll stop.” You were whining now, your body quivering from the unexpected lack of stimulation.
“I was jealous.” You whispered, that same pout you’d worn all night was back on your face again, bottom lip poking out in shame at the confession, wide eyes looking up at the man that was towering over you. Both of your bodies were slick with sweat, chests rising and falling erratically amidst the tension, lips barely an inch apart. You wanted to taste him so bade, to feel the warmth of his tongue sliding in and out of your mouth as he grinded into you—just the though was making your clit ache between your thighs.
“Aw, you were?” Now he was the one to whine, a similar frown painting his face—mocking you. The sinister look in his eyes made even more wetness pool between your legs as he slowly slid himself back inside you, just the tip.
“Its not as fun when you’re not the one making me jealous, huh? Doesn’t feel good to see something that belongs to you with someone else, does it?” he said, reveling in the way you shook under his touch as he slid his fingers across your skin, slowly but surely making his way to that needy little spot hidden between your legs
“N-no…”
“No? But you always tell me it’s silly to be jealous, right? That I’m overreacting. Is that not what you’re doing right now?” His fingers lightly rubbed against your clit, your juices coating his skin as he spread your lips open, being careful not to push you back onto his cock any further.
“In fact, it’s not just silly for you to be jealous. It’s stupid. You are all I think about. I-” another inch slid inside of you, a soft gasp escaping both of your mouths, “Fuck—I dream about your face, your voice, your body—the way this fucking cunt sucks on the tip of my cock just right. We fit together so perfectly…for you to think that I could ever want someone else is just dumb, right?” With that, his hips slammed fully into you, pulling a scream out of your mouth as your eyes rolled back into your head, the nasty words making your cheeks grow hot from embarrassment.
“Xavier, oh my god. Pleaseee…please let me cum. I promise I won’t—“ Your words were abruptly cut off by one of his arms snaking around your body, his palm pushing itself against your plush lips, silencing your begging and muffling your whimpers as his other hand kept toying with your pussy, his fingers petting your just right like he'd done so many times before.
“Shut up. You’re dumb, remember? If you don’t have anything smart to say, then I don’t want to hear you at all.” His muscled arms held you up, keeping your knees from buckling beneath you as he quickened his pace. The most disgusting sounds filled the room, your hole squelching and squealing with every move Xavier made inside of you. His thick cock was forcing the sweetest cries out of your aching cunt, much to his amusement—a small smile creeping across his lips.
“You may be stupid, but this pussy is fucking brilliant. Listen to how nicely she to talks to me, none of that attitude I get from your filthy mouth, huh?” He pressed his palm further against your mouth, silencing your silly little whines and babblings almost entirely, “Shhhh… let me hear her, princess. Be good for me, yeah?.” You tried your best not to have to bite Xavier’s hand just to quieten yourself completely, but he could barely hear your moans any longer anyway—the sounds of his heavy breathing, your ass clapping against him, your little pussy sobbing out for relief was the only song playing in his head any longer.
“Shiittt she’s milking me so good. I think she likes having an audience. What a nasty girl…” An audience? Your face--he was almost sure that the expression alone was going to have him coming within the next two seconds. He couldn’t help but let out a round of laughter at the sight of your eyes widening at his words, brows furrowing as he continued fucking into you, his cock aching more with every thrust. His hand forcing your face forward back towards the glass. You squinted slightly, eyes adjusting to see a window belonging to the apartment across from yours. It was dimly lit, but there was a familiar figure staring back at you, her face contorted in disbelief.
“Getting all mad at me for talking to our new neighbor who was asking me what flavor muffins she should bring over to introduce herself to my sweet girlfriend… tsk.” Horrified, your new neighbor ran in the opposite direction, shielding her eyes from the lewd view of your nipples squished against the glass, mouth covered, a hand between your legs while Xavier held you hostage in his arms, his face flushed, hair glued to his forehead, both of your bodies sticky with each other’s sweat—how fucking filthy it must’ve been. "Doubt we'll be getting that tray of chocolate chip muffins anytime soon, huh baby?" You tried to turn your face away from the glass for the sudden fear that someone else may end up seeing the two of you, but it was no use, Xavier’s grip on your cheeks was far too tight.
“No no no don’t look away. Don’t you want everyone to know who I come home to every night? Don’t you want to show everyone who my good girl is? My sweet princess taking my cock so well, drooling into my hand—you’re mine. Say it.” Your lips were suddenly freed by his palm, a string of saliva glistened between your mouth and his flesh as he pulled it back. You were sure to respond quick, realizing that if you didn’t use your brief liberation wisely, Xavier had every intention of punishing you for the rest of the night.
“Yours I’m yours. I belong to you—please fuck, you feel so good inside of me. I can’t hold it anymore please let me cum.” A strike of lightning rippled through your body as the tip of his cock finally pushed against your g-spot, once, then it was twice, and then a third time—over and over again without rest until your sweet screams flooded his ears once more. You tried to squirm away, fingers reaching back, desperately trying to pull off of you just a little so you could catch your breath, but he was quick to grab you, forcing your arm behind your back, creating an ever deeper arch in your spine.
“Where you running off to? Do you want to cum or not, I’m confused, princess? You pushing me away—does it not feel good?” His lips were against your ear again, tongue running over the shell, gently biting your flesh just the way you liked as he continued abusing your poor aching hole.
“No no so good—feel so good, can’t cum yet though. Please god please.”
“Poor baby, why can’t you cum yet, sweet girl? Is it not enough? Do I need to rub you faster, hm? Pinch this little clit between my fingers—oh look at that, she’s so swollen against my hand. What's the matter, don't you like when I play with you?” You mind was so clouded, tongue hanging out of your mouth as his lips licked and sucked your skin, teeth nipping your neck, leaving his mark as he forced more of those precious begs out of you. You were close, so painfully close that you were drooling at the thought of finally getting to cum around him, painting his fingers with your sweet juices, clenching around his cock as he stretched you around him—but you knew better.
“Need permission to cum please Xavier can I cum. Please please I promise—mmmh—I promise not to get jealous again. I’m yours.”
“Ohh you promise? Maybe you aren’t that dumb after all, baby. Or maybe you’ll just say anything to get me to let you cum. Is that it? Are you a liar, princess?” His fingers stalled between your legs, hips suddenly not snapping forward into you anymore. It wasn't more than a second later that you'd started begging for him to start up again, your body burning to feel him back inside of you once more. He thought you were so cute like this—so pliable, so desperate for his touch you were willing to say anything just to feel him.
“Nooo not lying not—I wouldn’t lie to you. Please don’t stop.”
“Yeah, you telling the truth? You know dumb girls don’t get to cum. But you’re not dumb anymore, right? You my smart girl, princess?”
“Yes yes I’m telling the truth. Smart, I’m gonna be smart, please I just need—“ Every inch of his length sunk back into you at once, warm fingers unexpectedly gliding over your slippery clit again.
“Good girl, that’s what I wanna hear. Cum for me, go ahead. It’s okay princess, let me feel it, please cum on my cock. I know you can do it, so fucking pretty like this. I need it, come on do a good job for me. ” So you came—squirming and writhing in Xavier’s strong arms as he held you close, whispering soft praises in your ear. Curses and moans left your lips, your arm finally going limp in his grasp, thighs squeezing and clamping down around his hand as his fingers flitted against your clit while you slowly came down.
For some reason though, just as you were catching your breath, muscles finally relaxing after the waves of pleasure dissipated and you felt Xavier’s length sliding out of you—your felt him forcing himself back in, pushing your sloppy walls apart again without any warning. He wasn’t trying to fuck you fast anymore, now he was fucking you hard, stretching you open agonizingly slow before sliding back out and and doing it all over again. The overstimulation caught up to you as you realized…he wasn’t close to being done.
“Xavier wait, I’m too sensitive to—oh my god,” You tried to push yourself away with your free hand, but he only ended up grabbing that one and holding it hostage behind your back as well.
“No no I’m not stopping. C’mon that’s not fair is it? Didn’t anyone ever tell you that you have to take care of your things, hm?” You were screaming now, the sensations overwhelming your body as you cried out his name.
“You’re mine, but I am yours. You have to take care of me too, yeah, baby? Please, let me cum for you too, hm? Don’t you want to make me feel good?” he said, pressing a soft kiss into the crook of your neck.
“Mhm wanna make you cum too.” He knew you meant it, despite the way the tears stung the inner corners of your eyes and your soft tummy tightened and convulsed around him, your body falling limp in his arms. He knew that you wanted him to fill you up, to feel his sticky cum dripping out of you has he pulled out, to have his thick fingers stuffing his babies back inside of you. You were so perfect for him—how could he ever want anyone else?
“Aw, that’s my smart girl.”
♡ a/n: ummmm had this idea sitting in the drafts for quite a bit, but the new banner dropping finally inspired me to finish it !! quite short and not super edited but i hope u enjoy,, happy friday angels xx
#l&ds#l&ds x reader#love and deepspace#lnds#l&ds x you#lads smut#lnds smut#love and deepspace smut#love and deepspace fic#love and deepspace x reader#lads x you#lads x reader#lads xavier#xavier smut#lnds xavier#xavier love and deepspace#xavier x reader#love and deep space#smut
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i can’t even lie i’m the biggest fan of angst to comfort with luke, could you possibly do something with that💕:)
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His door opens cautiously, curls unruly and slept on, t-shirt crumpled but when his sleepy eyes fall upon you, he stands up straight, instantly flattening his hair with his palm and opening the door wider. He can't decide whether you look miserable or relieved, your lips quivering yet your shoulders are perfectly relaxed. Hell, he just woke up from a nap, he can't decide anything.
"Y/n? What are you doing- I thought you were going on that date?" he croaks, voice husky. He steps aside, allowing you to shuffle in and remove your shoes.
You're inside a safety net. You feel your eyes well and meet Luke timidly. His face softens, strong arms engulfing you, and suddenly, the world falls silent, and the wall you built crumbles in his hold. Your ear presses to his chest, the tears falling from your eyes soaking into his t-shirt. His grip tightens, his hand stroking your hair delicately.
"...I cancelled. It's over. I made the wrong choice, Lu." You cry with a breaking voice, but you're crying and let the emotions pour out your chest with heat flushed to your cheeks, "I'm such a fucking idiot."
If hearts could physically shatter, Luke's would have. Into a million finite pieces on the floor. His feet start moving backwards, yours following his guidance until his knees hit the sofa, pulling you onto his lap, swinging your legs over and cradling your body to his chest.
His words are gentle and thoughtful, his tone calm and his heart thunders in his chest. You've come to him. Expected considering you've been good friends since college, but you came to him for comfort. "No, no, you're not an idiot. Talk to me, I'm all ears. Why'd you cancel? You were so excited."
God, you hate that he was right. You were excited. The butterflies, the compliments, the dates, they were fun, they felt good, filled with adoration. Yet, the guy never felt right. Like an imposter, like you were supposed to be sharing those moments with someone else, someone who loved you regardless of anything. Someone who actually had an interest in you.
"I thought about it. I thought I was excited but turns out not about the guy, he’s not…he’s not anything to me. All the fun little dates were exciting, spending time and just, I don't know, being part of these other couples around me, but honestly..." your sobbing stutters as your tears roll violently down your cheeks, but it's hard to fall apart when Luke's cradling you so securely.
You tilt your chin up, peering up at him with red eyes but he's already gazing at you. He brushes loose strands of your hair out of your face, with such a featherlight touch it feels like he's sporting a halo above his head. He cups your cheek and his thumb soothing over your cheekbone slows your heartbeat back to stability.
"I wasn't as excited anymore after I left you the other day. It kinda just...faded. I thought I'd give it a chance but...I couldn't. It wasn't the same, Luke." You calmly confess, gaze shifting to his lips before back into his eyes, those forever glossy eyes you find yourself unable to look away from. The eyes that only ever pay attention to you and you know that you've seen that.
He swallows hard with flustered cheeks, "So, you dressed all pretty just to come here?"
"Wanted to see you..." it takes a moment for you to process his words, his touch against your skin so gentle it's intoxicating and has your brain dizzy. With a voice above a whisper, "You think I look pretty?"
Luke nods slowly but surely, licking his lips and searching your eyes for something of an opportunity. His stomach flutters and he's certain, certain that he knows where this is headed and that he can finally find peace within himself.
"Always, since I met you. Miss you every time you leave. Jealous whenever you went on a date. Wanna be with you all the time…just want…you."
Your fingertips lightly press to his jaw on instinct, "...you were the right choice. But I was scared of...ruining us."
His lips pull up into a small smile, chest blooming with warmth and it's as if the world has burst into colours. He's only ever dreamed of this moment, where you're in his arms and telling him that this whole time, you've felt something back. You thought you'd cry again, yet the smile on his face only encouraged your own, fingers sliding down his neck to tangle in the curls at his nape.
"You don't have to be afraid anymore, m'right here. All yours, I've got you." He leans in, and you're leaning in too like magnets until soft lips meet for a tender kiss. A genuine one that's closed mouth and long-awaited with yearning.
When you both pull away, gazes locked, hands on each other, he dips back into you, passionately this time and you're keeping him in, close. You had your suspicions, yet what were you so afraid of if Luke's feelings were blatantly obvious?
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𝐈'𝐌 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐘 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐘𝐎𝐔 | 𝐒.𝐑𝐄𝐈𝐃
Category: Smut & Fluff
Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader
Warning: sub!spencer, inexperienced!spencer, oral (m and f receiving), virginity loss, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie, light dom/sub, use of good boy but only like twice. (Let me know if I've missed anything)
You enjoyed being Spencer's first girlfriend, just because you loved the fact that you got to be the one to ever hold his hand romantically, the one to kiss him or spend the night at his place.
Now, this was not your first relationship, but it was the first time that you didn't have to worry about whether or not they genuinely liked you because sex was the last thing on Spencer's mind, at least as far as you could tell.
Tonight was just like any other night. Spencer had gotten home from a case pretty early and asked if you had wanted to spend the night in which you accepted and packed an overnight bag.
You'd spent the night eating takeout and some documentary that Spencer had put on, but you weren't paying too much attention, you rubbed Spencer's knee which then gained his attention.
Spencer smiled and hesitantly leaned closer to you, and the two of you began to make out on the sofa. It was just a small little moment but then it started to get heated and before you knew it, you were on his lap.
The two of your lips moved in sync, and his hands were on your waist, then you began grinding against him, which had then had caused a shaky moan to fall from his lips.
"Mhm...was that a moan?" You giggled.
Spencer realized the noise he'd just made, and his eyes widened a bit, and he placed his hands onto your waist to stop you from moving any further.
You furrowed your brows. "Are you okay? I'm so sorry, Spencer...I didn't mean to overdo it." You quickly climbed off of him and took a seat beside him, hoping you didn't make him uncomfortable.
The two of you had been dating a year now, and while Spencer was a lot more comfortable when it came to you, he still was hesitant when it came to talking or doing anything intimate.
"No!" Spencer quickly said. "You didn't make me uncomfortable, just...wasn't expecting it."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be, I wasn't expecting that, but it very clearly had an effect on me." He said with a sheepish tone, and that's when you could see the outline of his cock in his pants.
You tried not to stare but you couldn't help it and you just simply said, "Oh..."
Spencer spoke, "I think I'm ready."
"For what?"
"For you to have me." He took your hand and looked into your eyes. "Completely."
You looked into his eyes. "Are you sure?"
"I am." Spencer nodded. "I trust you, and I don't want to keep you waiting for so long."
You placed your bend back on his knee, this time in an assuring way. "Spence, baby, you don't need to worry about keeping me waiting, I'll only want this if I know you're ready."
Spencer knew you wouldn't rush him into anything he didn't want to do and that was something he appreciated about you.
But now it was time, he needed you and wanted you.
"I promise, I'm ready."
You smiled softly and reached over to slip your hand behind his neck, pulling him into a kiss to which Spencer immediately reciprocated.
Spencer pulled you back onto his lap as you two made out, his hands found your waist, his fingers dug into your waist, digging into your soft flesh as he got lost in the feeling of your tongues dancing together.
With his trembling hands, Spencer trailed down to the blouse that you were wearing. His fingers fumbled quickly with the buttons on her shirt, and you couldn't help but giggle about against his lips.
You pulled back and replaced his hands that were on your shirt with your own hands. "It's alright, let me do it for you."
One by one, you began to unbutton your shirt until you were simply left in your bra.
Spencer's eyes didn't look away, the way your tits were pushing up in the bra you were wearing, it was just too mesmerizing.
A small groan left his lips as his hands reached out to cup your breasts. They were so round and heavy in his hands, and he couldn't help but squeeze as much as he could, and occasionally, his fingers would run over your already head nipples through your bra.
You reached behind you so you could unclasp your bra, and you threw it somewhere on the floor.
Your bare chest was now fully on display for Spencer, who looked like a kid in a candy store.
Spencer leaned down and wrapped his lips around one of your nipples which caused a moan to fall from your lips and your back to arch.
That sound, it was like music to his ears, and he continued to suck gently on your nipple. Your hands went to his hair, tugging a bit, which caused him to moan around your nipple and send vibrations throughout your body.
You tasted so good. You were a perfect mixture of sweet and salty, and Spencer couldn't seem to get enough.
You couldn't stop yourself from moaning and groaning as Spencer paid a good amount of attention to each one of your nipples.
"I think..." You took a deep breath. "It's time for me to give you a little treat." A small smile had played onto your lips as you helped him out of his shirt, Spencer got goosebumps with how cold the room had suddenly felt.
You climbed off his lap and dropped down to your knees, and Spencer's lips parted. He was already hard, but he now he was really hard knowing what he was about to do to him.
Your hands reached for the zipper on his pants, and you smirked. "Now let's see..." Spencer lifted up his hips as you had helped him out of his pants and boxer briefs.
Wow, that's all you could think as he cock sprung free, not wanting to waste anymore time your hand wrapped around him, you began to purposely stroke him slowly.
He gasped as she wrapped her fingers around him, feeling the softness of her skin against his.
"Do you like this?" Your hand twisted around him and went up and down in all types of motions, drawing relentlessly moans from his lips.
Quickly Spencer nodded. "I-I do, yes..."
You were barely doing anything, and already it felt like too much, Spencer's nails dug into the couch, and his eyes squeezed shut.
"Uh, uh." You stopped and looked up at him. "If you don't look at me, I'll have to stop, do you understand?"
Spencer opened back up his eyes and looked at you and answered. "I-I understand."
"Good boy." Those words made him twitch in her hands. "Your cock is so pretty Spencer and I'm so glad I'll be the first and only girl to see this."
Spencer gulped and sheepishly spoke. "Can you, um..you know?"
You knew what he was asking for but you wanted him to directly ask you.
"I don't know, what do you need?"
Spencer hesitated. "Do I have to say it?"
"How can I know what you want me to do if you don't ask me specifically?" You smiled softly.
"Can you...use your mouth?" He asked.
You chuckled, "We'll work on that." And then you leaned in closer, your warm breath against his skin as you had taken his cock into your mouth.
Spencer's eyes widened at the feeling of your warm and wet mouth around him.
You ran your tongue up and down him, licking his tip and trying to take as much as you could down your throat. Spencer's head back against the couch, and his eyes rolled back. You sucked him off with eagerness and whatever you couldn't take in your mouth, you just jerked it.
Spencer could feel the tension building up within him. With everything you were giving him, he could feel himself getting closer.
But he didn't want to come just yet, so he spoke up. "Wait- wait..."
"Whats wrong?" You asked.
"Nothing, I just...I don't want to come so quickly."
You smiled softly. "It's okay if you do, that just shows I'm doing a good job."
"You definitely are." Spencer said, breathless. "I just...want to return the favor, please?"
You rose to your feet so you could pull down your pants and panties and then took a seat down onto the couch. Now it was Spencer's turn to be on his knees for you.
He pushed your legs apart, and his heart raced at the view of your glistening cunt before him, he licked his lips and looked at you. "Let me know if you don't like it, okay?"
You nodded and gasped as he leaned down, and his tongue had flicked out to taste test her. A groan left Spencer's lips at how good you tasted, so sweet.
Your hands went to his hair as he began to lick her like she was his last meal.
While Spencer had never touched a woman a day in his life, he had done a lot of reading, waiting for this moment and he did not want to disappoint you.
Your hips bucked up to his face as he wrapped his arms around your legs, holding you close as he didn't let a drop of you go to waste. His tongue wrapped around your clit and he gently sucked.
"God, Spencer!" Your back arched. "So good, how are you so good at this?"
It was a rhetorical question, but Spencer still wanted to answer. "I've done a lot of reading, although reading about it isn't the same as doing it, you taste amazing." He said as he returned back to what he was originally doing.
Moans filled up the living room, and your legs began to shake. "Don't fucking stop, Spence!"
Your thighs tightened around his head as you got closer and closer with every lick and flick against your clit.
Within seconds, you were left shaking as Spencer made you come harder than any man.
It took you a while to catch your breath, but when you did, you looked down at him and helped him up. "Let's go to your room."
Spencer quickly stood up and the two headed to his bedroom. "Get in the bed, lay down for me." You had instructed.
Spencer climbed into the bed and laid on his back, watching in awe as joined him in the bed, straddling is hips.
His cock brushed against your clit which made the both of you moan. "I'm going to make you feel so good baby..."
Spencer whined, "Please do."
Your hands ran over his chest before lining him up at your entrance, your wetness dripped onto the tip of his cock as your lowered yourself onto him completely.
"Ah.." Spencer shuddered.
"Look at me." You said as you began to rock your hips against him, Spencer's eyes snapped up to you, holding eye contact.
You were so tight around him, and it made it so hard for Spencer not to come on the spot.
"Oh, baby..." His hands went to your hips.
Spencer's cock only got harder with the many movements against him. You moved up and down, your ass and thighs slapping down on him.
You spoke, "Fuck me back baby."
His grip on your waist got more firm, and he began to help guide your movements. Spencer thrusted upwards to meet your movements at the perfect time.
Your eyes grew wide as he managed to find the perfect rhythm. With each thrust, her tits bounced, and he could feel her walls tighten around him. It was such a magnificent feeling that, he could sense you were close
Spencer reached down to her clit, his fingers trembling with anticipation. He needed her to come before he did. His thumb circled the sensitive nub, applying just the right amount of pressure. Your eyes shot open, meeting his with a look of surprise.
Your hips began to move faster, your breath hitched in your throat as you felt the beginnings of your climax building. Spencer could feel it, too, the way your walls fluttered around him, the way your muscles began to quiver. He knew he had you, knew he could give you what she wanted.
Spencer's thrust started to become more and more deliberate with each movement. With every moan that came from your lips it caused him to want to give you more.
His head fell back into the pillow at the feeling of your walls clenching around him.
Then you leaned forward, your hands on his chest as you began to ride him with eagerness.
Spencer watched, his eyes glued to the sight of how well your pussy swallowed his cock, your clit grinding against his pelvis. It was a sight that made him feel like he was going to combust at any given moment. He then reached up, his hands cupping your breasts as he squeezed and pinched your nipples in time with the movements.
"Do you like this?" You asked. "Do you like how well I'm taking your cock, babe?"
In response to your question, he moaned. He was starting to feel his release draw near as you didn't slow down the pace. The pressure in his balls grew with every stroke. All he could do was moan at your filthy words.
You threw your head back. "I'm so close."
"Me too, baby...me too."
Your movements were becoming erratic. You needed to come, and you weren't about to slow down until you did. Spencer could feel you tighten around him, your pussy clamping down onto him.
And then, a loud moan and desperate cry left your lips as you came. Your body shook with the force of your orgasm. The sensation was like nothing he had ever felt before, his own cock pulsing.
Your pussy was so tight around him and he was ready to let go. Spencer looked up at you as you rode out your pleasure, watching you come did something to him, knowing that he made you come, threw him over the edge.
And then, with a final, desperate thrust, Spencer came. His eyes rolled back in his head, his back arching off the bed as ropes of cum shot from his cock, filling you up.
Never in his life had he ever come that fast and hard.
You moaned softly, feeling his release inside of you. Both his and your juices mixed together leaked out of her as she pulled off of him and dropped to lay beside him, catching her breath.
There was a long silence that made Spencer feel uneasy, so he turned to look at you. "Was that good?"
You looked at him. "Was that good?" She repeated. "That was more than just good."
Spencer smiled.
"You sure that was your first time?" You joked.
Spencer chuckled. "It was, I've just done enough reading and watching to know a good amount."
You raised a brow. "Watching, hm?" You knew Spencer was a man, but you never really thought that he might've watched porn.
"Only for research purposes."
You chuckled. "Right....Right"
You laid your head onto Spencer's chest, still trying to catch your breath, Spencer looked up at the ceiling, really pleased with himself.
"Can we do that again?" He asked.
You looked up at him. "Sure, just.. let me catch my breath."
Hello, I hope you guys enjoyed it. This was my first time writing smut, and as you can see, I'm not too good at it, but I'm learning, and if you have any feedback, don't hesitate to give it.
Also, thank you too, you all who sent so much love and reassurance about my first post, I'm glad it reached people, and you all enjoyed it!
#criminal minds#spencer reid smut#dr reid#cm#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid#spencer reid x self insert#reblog#requests are open#obsessed with spencer reid
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~𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓇𝓇𝓎 𝓃𝒾𝓰𝒽𝓉~
𝓈𝓊𝓂𝓂𝒶𝓇𝓎 - Ellie sees you at a museum and becomes obsessed~
𝓃𝓸𝓉𝓮𝓈 ~ !!! my first story i've ever posted🙈 i'm so nervous for people to read it honestly😭 but if you enjoy it, let me know! feedback is appreciated🎀
(also i used a prompt to come up with this! so els is a creepy vampire stalker and not very canon~🫣 )
Ellie shivers as she adjusts to the change of coming into the warm museum from the chilly outdoors. Even though the temperature doesn't affect her, she still has to play the part.
She's at a museum event tonight; she's been in need of some art inspo, and due to her... condition, she's been stuck at home for a few weeks. You see, she's a vampire, a very stubborn one at that. She thought she'd be okay without feeding for some time, and that ended up being false. She'd probably still be there if it wasn't for her southern charm and good looks helping her convince the naive young city girls to follow her home. She'd made sure they got home safely, of course; she's no monster!
She walks leisurely through the halls and takes notes, studying some of her favorite pieces. The famous "Starry Night" by Van Gogh caught her eye, or more so the beautiful girl admiring it. Her thick coily hair sitting perfectly at her shoulders tied in a cute little bow, the museum lights illuminating her soft skin; oh how Ellie wanted to feel it..she's never seen anyone as divine as this mystery girl. She continues to watch the girl as her eyes wander the painting, looking so amazed, and when she smiled, Ellie swears she felt her heart stop…again.
She ends up following behind the girl as she walks through the gallery. She tells herself that it's just a coincidence that they keep ending up at the same place. Every second she gets more obsessed with needing to know this girl, she completely forgets about finding inspiration; if anything, she thinks she just found her muse.
Lost in thought, something-someone bumped into her
oof
"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry!
Are you okay?"
Ellie was ready to give sass to whoever bumped her but stopped when she saw who it was.
"oh shit" she mumbled
"Ah yeah, no I'm all good, don't worry about it."
If it were possible Ellie’s ears would’ve gained a red tint.
“You sure? Sorry, I can get so caught up in the art and get distracted..” The girl smiled a little, fidgeting with her fingers.
“Yeah, I’m totally fine. I should’ve been paying attention. Are you okay?” Her eyes travel the girl's body, checking for any injuries.
“Oh yeah i’m fine, i’m pretty clumsy so i’m used to it.” She says, shaking her head and chuckling to herself.
Ellie wanted to thank whatever god that made this interaction possible. She thought about properly introducing herself to fill in the awkward silence that began to set between them.
“I-“
“Well, sorry again!” The girl waves and walks away to whom Ellie assumes is a friend, with a little bounce in her step.
Ellie silently cursed herself for not being quick enough as she watched the girl’s skit sway away. She needed to have her. Slowly, she prowled behind her, making sure to keep a safe distance away but never too far. She watched her every move and wondered about the other girl she was talking to. Was she a sister, a friend, or something more? She thought about what the girl’s favorite piece of art might be and whether she created art herself. She wanted to know everything about her: all her quirks, what made her smile or cry, her deepest fears—everything.
And she intended to find out.
#ellie williams#ellie tlou#ellie x reader#ellie x black!reader#ellie x girly!reader#e.w x reader#lesbian#wlw#sapphic#👑
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New headcanon just dropped: Damian does not think he looks like his mother. At all. Ok picture this. The kids just learned about genetics and how facial features are inherited.
Henderson: therefore, kids look like a mixture of both of their parents. So if you pay close attention you can see what they got from their mommys and their daddies
Becky: but Anya doesn't look anything like her dad. Not a single feature was passed down. What a shame he's so cute. She would have 10x cuter.
Damian: she looks nothing like her mom either. Doesn't seem like either of them are her parents.
Ewen: yeah maybe she's adopted
Emile: her real parents did want her so they gave her to a crazy people doctor
Anya, adopted and possibly abandoned by her parents: 🥺🥺🥺
Becky, reaching in her bag: God bless Ameri-
Henderson: now now boys. That is an extremely cruel and inappropriate thing to say.
Henderson, petting Anya: Sometimes, one parent features overpower the others, so it's more than likely Anya just looks most like her mother. I personally resemble my father the most, and my daughter is the splitting image of her mom.
Becky: yeah exactly. She probably just looks like her mom and we don't know what she looks like because she dead. How do you feel now dorks?
Becky: and you're one to talk Damian. You look exactly like your mom too
Damian: yeah Anya I'm sorry you don't gotta cry ab- wait wait wait what did you just say? I look nothing like my mom
Ewen: nah dude I think she's onto something
Emile: yeah I was surprised when I first saw her
Becky, snickers: you know on Berlint In Love this one woman had a baby with another guy and lied and said it was her husband's.
Damian: hvjcjcjvjv
Henderson: Ms. Blackbell, how crass. Don't sully the good name of the former first lady. Damian just took more from his mother. There is no need to spread such vile rumors.
Damian: exactly- wait I didn't take anything from my mom. I look nothing like her. I look exactly like my dad
Ewen: your dad's cool and all but you look nothing like him
Emile: Demetrius sure but you? Nah. You're totally your mom
Damian, reaches into his bag and pulls out two photos: this is a photo of my dad. This is exactly what I look like
Emile: you carry around a photo of you and your dad as a kid?
Ewen: damn your dad does not blink.
Damian: WHAT? THATS MY MOM??? SHES WEARING A DRESS HOW COULD YOU THINK THATS EVEN ME?
Becky: hey man what you do in your spare time is none of my business
Emile: but seriously dude why do you even have those?
#spy x family#sxf#headcanon#anya forger#damian desmond#melinda desmond#henry henderson#becky blackbell#emile elman#ewen egeburg#i dont feel like finishing this#i just got locked out ugh
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I've referenced before how I have a big google document to keep track of every media I've ever seen in my entire life (just for reference because I like to track everything possible lol… I am the Data Collector), but recently as I was updating it, I thought of actually evaluating them to find out random percentages (like for example, out of Total Shows Watched, what percentage did I finish vs. stop watching, what percentage did I like or dislike, etc.)...
Evaluating these things is made easier by the fact that I already place everything on each subsection of the list into 6 broad ranking categories, so I don't have to go back and guess to figure out how I feel about them or anything. The categories are: Ranking 5 - overall best* (despite some criticisms of course because I'm too much of an Analyzer to ever find anything Perfect lol) Ranking 4 - more positive than neutral, but not good enough to be 5 Ranking 3 - either the good + bad negate each other, OR it's just not memorable/interesting in any way enough to be ranked higher or lower (this is the Default category ALL things are placed in if no other rank applies) Ranking 2 - maybe a few redeemable elements but largely more negatives than positives Ranking 1 - So bad that it circles around to being fascinating to observe in some way (not necessarily Funny, or Good, but just interesting somehow) Ranking 0 - Bad in a genuinely frustrating or obnoxious manner
*("best" primarily defined here as most interesting, rather than most good in a technical sense, or some other measure. I tend to value more highly whether there's something novel or thoughtful about the worldbuilding, tone, writing, base premise, etc - than about whether it's actually executed perfectly.)
And here's the amount of shows that have so far been placed into each category -
TV shows ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 20 shows ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 28 shows ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 114 shows ~ Rank 2 (mid low) -33 shows ~ Rank 1 (low low but intriguingly so) - 14 shows ~ Rank 0 (iredeemably low) - 2 shows
This would make for a total of 211 TV shows overall. However, there are 57 shows within these list marked as "didn't finish" (typically meaning I quit on the very first or second episode - but log them still to keep a record that I at least had a brief view of them).
So my total of genuinely fully watched shows would be more 154. 211 Total, but a More Accurate Total of 154.
Counting them all and using the Total Number Of The List (211) -- that means roughly 9.5% of all total shows I have ever watched (or at least attempted to watch) have been Mostly Good, 13% have been Moderately Okay, 54% have been either entirely Forgettable or some mix of good + bad that lands them right in the Neutral Middle, 15.6% have been Mostly Bad, 6.6% have been Bad (but in an interesting way), and 0.9% have been Terribly Bad.
Additionally, I didn't even get past the first two episodes of about 27% of the total.
Sooo, discounting ones I didn't finish, my total TV shows ever watched in my life would be about 154 (maybe give or take a few, assuming I might have forgotten some from very long ago).
But instead of entire life, let's just say this is the total for 'About 20 Years' (so, not counting very early childhood when I likely wouldn't remember things I saw/have no detailed recollection of them (like for example, I'm sure at some point when I was like 4yrs old I must have seen an episode of Spongebob or something, but I have zero distinct memories of it, can't quote anything of it, and barely recall the premise - so I don't count it on the list, etc.)).
In that case, 154 divided by 20 would be roughly 7.7 shows a year.
Which is actually surprisingly low considering that I often have stuff on in the background for hours whilst I make sculptures and do costumes and stuff (maybe I should have also marked some distinction between 'things I fully paid attention to' and 'things I kind of half listened to whilst sculpting', but that would further split the categories too much probably lol), but I guess a lot of that is youtube videos or random documentaries, so .. eh.. maybe I get it being lower.
Now, doing the same thing for movies-
Movies ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 4 movies (3.4% of total) ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 12 movies (10.3% of total) ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 91 movies (78.4% of total) ~ Rank 2 (mid low) - 8 movies (6.8% of total) ~ Rank 1 (low but interesting) - 1 movie (0.8% of total) ~ Rank 0 (irredeemably low) - none in this category (0%)
That makes 116 for a Total (Actually Remembered) Movies Watched In Lifetime (Or At Least In 20 Years).
116 divided by 20 is roughly 5 or 6 movies a year (I feel this has probably been skewed though by adding everything since like elementary school onwards, as I remember a lot more movies from child/teen years.. Whereas, the past 3 years I feel like I've barely seen maybe even 5 movies?? lol). I also have "Didn't Finish" marked on 18 of them. Which means I quit halfway through about 15% of the total movies.
So, a for broader summary stuff..
I seem to be less forgiving to movies than tv shows, by far. Which makes sense to me, I guess, because I love elaboration and details, so "short form" things that only last an hour or two are often lost on me a bit. My biggest complaint with movies is indeed usually walking away just wishing there had been more exposition, more scenes where characters are doing nothing, more "mindless bantering" conversations, more Quiet Downtime and Lore Elaboration and so on lol, so... of course most 1-2hr films end up feeling a bit Not Enough To Draw My Interest/Nothingy to me.
If you count 5 and 4 as "like" and rankings 2 to 0 as "dislike", then for TV shows I at least somewhat liked 48 of them, and at least somewhat disliked 47 of them.. So it's almost exactly the same lol. I'm just about equally as likely to find something bad as I am to find something redeeming about it. But overall, the largest chance is that I just won't really care much for it at all and it will be tossed into the 'neutral' pile, forgotten forever. Movies have a bit better of a balance, "liking" 16 of them, and "disliking" only 9 of them. So I'm slightly more likely to enjoy a movie than to find it annoying - though still VASTLY more likely to just not find it anything in particular, possibly not even finishing it.
ANYWAY.. this is vague and literally pointless, but like I said, I just really find information fun. Like my document where I've rated every apple flavor I've ever tried (like 40 of them now?), or reviewed every oreo flavor (32?), or ranking data from my entire 10 years of Trying To Make Friends process (out of 100 people, roughly 8% chance of a moderate compatibility, 3% chance of high), or etc. etc.. I love to have random pointless things to analyze I suppose lol.
I doubt anyone tracks things in their life in this same exact way, but I'd be interested in hearing any at least somewhat similar data !!! (like, how many TV shows you watch a year on average, and what percentage of those you like vs. dislike (if you keep track of that sort of thing), etc.)). I guess it might be easier with movies, since I think some people use those websites where you curate a list of movies you've seen and you can rate them or something, so maybe the numbers are already available on those places. :0
#maybe this is my version of spotify wrapped lol.. Lifetime Media Google Doc Wrapped.. kind of.. except I'm not going over specific titles.#I can't do this with music since I rarely EVER look for new music or add to my Youtube To MP3 folder library as I just don't really#listen to music that often. When I'm working (the majority of when I seek background noise) I need like.. people's talking voices#for some reason. Just instruments and singing are not distracting enough to me to work as background noise because theyre#almost TOO in the background if that makes sense? like if I put music on then I just tune it out and it's virtually no different#than if I were daydreaming stream of consciousness thoughts in an entirely quiet room lol. And I can't really do it with books since#essentially 100% of what I read is non-fiction. usually about some specific subject or academic topic OR stuff like#1800s magazines or cookbooks or historical people's diaries. Which is not really.. the type of thing I would#rank as easily I guess? like 'ooh yeah putting the sociology textbook in my top 5 hee hee right next to the 1920s radio recipes book' lol.#Then for games... I just sadly dont play enough of them. I've been banned from new games as I've told myself I cant play anyting#long form (no rpgs or etc) until I actually finish MY OWN game first - to keep me from wasting time. so on average#I play... 0 new games a year. ToT... I do play the sims sometimes but that's really all (which is not a new game at all since#I've been playing it on and off for years). Thus I guess movies/TV are really the only things that make sense#to collect this sort of information on. I could do youtube videos I guess also but that seems kind of strange like...#giving a rating to every single video I watch in a ranked list lol.. Especially since I would say a good 85% of the time#they are exclusively background noise whilst I'm working on something or cleaning the house or etc. and not things I pay serious attention#to. There are only a few specific topics/types/creators of videos I watch where I'm ACTUALLY sitting in front of a screen paying#direct attention to the content (usually when it's educational or political things). Everything else is too mindless to even rank.#ANYWAY... ever analyzing my little hermit Weird Relationship To Media (in the sense of seemingly not processing or getting the same#things out of it as many other seem to). I think that can contribute sometimes to the whole difficulty socializing and stuff#since our culture is very centered around media consumption generally speaking. People want to talk about The New Movie that came#out or The Big TV Show Of The Year. and for me it's like.. highly likely I just plain have NOT seen it. Or if i have. statistically#I most likely was entirely ambivalent if not slightly negative towards it lol. Which just kind of takes the steam out of a 'fun' 'casual'#conversation and you seem like a bit of a bummer if most of your only feedback is either 'idk what that is' or 'oh yea... i did#see that one.... i didnt like it all that much though... I think it'd be better with elves in it.. and 7 hours longer..'' lol..#Which I am not disliking things in a 'grr i hate it bc its popular'/just to be contrarian way. I actually dislike that mindset/find it#silly (by striving so hard to be counterculture you are thus still defining yourself by the whims of external culture - just in the#opposite direction. but are still just as preoccupied with the mainstream (going against it) as everyone else. etc. lol..)) In my#case I think it IS just having niche hyperspecific tastes.. for example- it peeves me when cell phones are in media bc I dont want to be#reminded at ALL of the real world. so.. cross off anything set in modern times. so on & etc. Judging all things by these weird criteria lol
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Gonna say it again, "Just stop consuming the genre" is THE WORST POSSIBLE RESPONSE to someone complaining about the lack of representation in their preferred genre!! And "Consume other stuff too" is not much better!!! I don't care how much you think varying media consumption is a Good and Holy lifestyle, not everyone wants to do that! There is no obligation to do that and there should not be! Because it's fucking entertainment. It's not a college major.
And! And and and. I would be remiss to not point out that when you tell someone, "If you want well written (minority) just get out of (genre fandom)" you are, regardless of your motivations, rhetorically aligning yourself with the exact same bigots who just want the pro-representation crowd to shut up and go away.
#I don't know how people can say “shonen is written for teen boys so obviously you're the idiot for wanting good rep from it”#as if teen boys don't also deserve stories with well-written diverse casts??#as if the poor reactions they often have to diversity are just inherent to their boyish nature and not a result of a widespread lack of rep#as if diverse casts in popular media aren't A PROVEN WAY to reduce implicit biases against groups of people on a very large scale#you people are dogs. how can you unironically say “this genre was made for teen boys so everyone else should stfu and gtfo”#and not immediately see that you've just aligned yourself with the actually bad people in the fandom#these stances also perfectly miss the point of “I love this genre and want to see a flaw in it corrected” because they are overwhelmingly..#...written by people who do not love the genre in question and are not interested in loving the genre#like yeah ultimately I understand that most of these posts don't give a true shit about helping people find rep in media#their main purpose 99% of the time is to publicly gloat about their supposedly superior media fixations#It's a real autism on autism violence (internet style) so I find it contemptible in a way that pulls all the muscles of my face downwards#“haw haw read another book (the ones I incidentally find engaging) and stop reading your dumb idiot books (the ones you find engaging)”#you can actually shut up tho that's the thing#you can just not say anything and make the world a better place Luigi Marioparty style#it's a wonderful strategy to use#if you've read through all these tags then 1. I thank you and 2. I have a little request if you're willing to give me more thought & time:#try to pay close attention the next few times you're talking about broad media fandoms which you aren't a part of#watch those little twinges in your chest and ask yourself#“is what I'm saying true? do I actually know enough to say that? what is the point of what I'm saying here? what do I want these ppl to do?#I think we all get caught up in Media Gloating sometimes#if you find that your thoughtless comments become concerning after you put thought into them#maybe it's time to not make them#or to even (as a totally random example) make a post arguing AGAINST those comments#because guess what? your bad take there was probably not yours alone; I'd wager 1000 other similar people have made similar takes#but they're not all gonna reflect on that unprompted; that's where you can come in#shonen#lgbtq representation#female representation#representation in media#queer representation
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Yes, capitalism is bad. Yes, we should dismantle capitalism. No, capitalism is not the Sole Thing Responsible for every single bad thing that has ever historically happened to anyone.
#'rEaD sOmE tHeOrY' YOU pay a mote of attention to actual historical reality!!#you should care about misogyny because hating women is bad.#not because misogyny is a Tool of Capitalism#(like I don't actually think this person was trying to say 'the only reason misogyny exists is to serve capitalism' but. I mean a) I HAVE#actually seen that '''''take''''' before and b) something is not inherently morally good because you have deemed it 'anticapitalist'.#like if you ever came to the conclusion that misogyny was somehow 'anticapitalist' then. uh. it would still be wrong to be misogynistic!)#(sorry! I care about women and their rights because women are people and should have rights! not because feminism happens to#align nicely with my Class Conscious Political Theory™™™™™!)#(you could have just made this post about how awful misogyny is but noooooo you just HAD to shoehorn in at the end about#how It Upholds Capitalism!!!!1 because talking about how much you hate capitalism is the ONLY FUCKING THING anyone cares about#on this godforsaken site. heaven forbid we just say 'hating women is bad'!!!!!!!!!!!)#(ugh watch me get called a neoliberal capitalism shill for this because people have less than zero reading comprehension)#I warned y'all. I'm not gonna be patient. I'm not gonna be nice. you care about women because they're people or you make peace with the#fact that I'm never going to give you the benefit of the doubt about anything#those are your options!! you wanted more options you should have fought for us!!!!! you should have not elected a professional misogynist#as the head of the country I live in and/or tried to persuade people to allow the continued political rise of said professional misogynist!#I see even ONE (1) defense of misogyny or willful lack of understanding about how it functions/why it's dangerous I am going FUCKING SPARE#I AM EXTENDING *ZERO* GRACE. ***NONE***
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good morning can i show you guys the christmas card my little sister wrote me in french (she does not know any french)
joyeux Noël, j'espère que vous comprenez ce que je dis compte tenu de la fiabilité de Google Translate. Jespère qu'à l'avenir nous voir plus de deux fois par an. Je ne sais pas vraiment quoi dire d'autre, alors joyeux Noël et j'espère que papa t'a offert. Profitez également des autres choses que je mets sur la carte au lieu de vous ècrire un essai complet.
and then she wrote me a little crossword and a "connect the language to its way of saying 'merry christmas'" game 😭
#i really don't know what j'espère que papa t'a offert is supposed to be. seems to be missing a direct object#the previous sentence is also missing a couple words but i know what it is supposed to mean#french#sibling feels#anyway this was sweet#i am a little worried about her because a) one of the languages she put on the card for how to say merry christmas is hebrew#which is an odd choice if you're going to pick five languages to say merry christmas in lol#and i had just learned at dinner that b) she had never heard of chanukah. which is a bit concerning#also sidenote the hebrew version of merry christmas given is hag shmah which i'm guessing is the same as chag sameach?#which is used for any holiday not just christmas lol#i'm also a little worried because i think my brother gets more parental attention#or maybe my dad only pays attention to the sports that his kids play?#like my dad coaches my sister's team but didn't know what classes she has next semester#but seems to know all sorts of stuff about my brother's life#also she's 14 and i think wants to be much younger than that? or thinks 14 is very young (which it is but she is a teen. she called#herself a 'little girl' and was mad because she was home alone for the second time ever yesterday)#idk she's clearly just very sheltered. when they were driving me home we saw a homeless man on the side of the road holding#a sign and she said he was scary and i was like how come? he's just standing there#and she said one time she saw a guy like that and he was angry and now she thinks all of them (meaning homeless people ig)#are scary. so i had a conversation with her about that#like 14 is young she is a kid she has a lot of stuff to learn which is normal! but is she getting taught anything? is anyone paying#attention to her? i see her so rarely (as mentioned in the card) because i don't have a car and because i don't have#fond memories of that household and avoid my dad and stepmom but i should really try harder with her#my brother also wrote me a very nice card! he was pretty considerate yesterday which is also new#he did not discuss his opinion of the military or capitalism this time so i don't know how he is feeling about them these days lol#we talked a lot about sports lol
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.
#long talk in tags incoming i guess#i don't understand why people keep following me when everything i do is complaining lately#and not about dnp per se. but about how the work is done and how their team *coughs* martyn *coughs* is handling stuff#i'm just looking at all this mess and i can't agree with basically anything#everything goes against my beliefs when it comes to work organisation. customer focus and etc.#and i'm trying SO hard to mildly help for free. and i'm just getting ignored. but that's like.. basic fixing and shit#any decent company would do it and say thank you for noticing and letting us know#but not irl merch lmao#and it all feels and looks like a massive joke#and i'm so so tired to basically pay for existence of this mess#i'm rethinking a lot of tour related decisions i made. and i know the reason i made them was about travelling more than the show itself#so i don't completely regret it#i'm just so tired of being spat in the face (figuratively speaking) over and over again#and tired of no one taking their job seriously ffs#neither martyn nor dnp nor their fucking editors#and i'm doing all that not for attention or whatever. but because I really care for the words to be correct and for the fucking text..#.. to be in the middle. like idc about the credit or WHO i need to ask for it to be fixed. i just want it to be fixed#so it looks good and how it should look#like. it's not that hard to put a little care into the things you do and getting paid for#I don't understand how it became so normalized. how being a bad manager is okay if you work with a fanbase and you're a 'small company'#a small company who has more than enough money to hire people to check things btw. if only anyone cared#i'm just so so tired of caring. because apparently it's not something everyone else does.#and i can let it slide when it comes to dnp. they are not being literally hired to do it. but others..... yeah#today was a moment when i thought 'that's a perfect opportunity to leave. enough.'#but the tour is in 1.5 months and i have tickets so i can't leave lmao#what kind of joke that is? oh and i know i'm fully responsible for this mild breakdown#personal
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hey has anyone ever considered doing shinjiro smut for after the fade to black but he lays you across his lap, like has anyone ever considered the canon praise kink with him more—shinjiro who scolds you, calls you trouble and tells you to stay close to him like a "good girl", shinjiro who acts tough, pretends to be fed up with you pushing him around (he loves it, but that doesn't mean you're not gonna hear about it), ignoring what he wants, so two can play that game, and you think, god, he's not holding back anymore, he's going to kiss me, finally, we're going to— but no, he settles on his bed and pats his lap and tells you that you need to "take responsibility" for teasing him like that, messing with his feelings — "be a good girl." remember, you started this.
#shinjiro aragaki#suggestive#i also like the idea of asking him to do something and he outright scoffs like fully has an attitude about it#tries to remind you what he said about ignoring his needs and asks you what makes you think he's gonna pay attention to yours#you think you get to ask him anything? that's cute#i love playing into that though like i know everyone is all in on the 'i ain't holding back anymore bit' but sorry#man says 'you think you can just push me around? ignore what i want? yeah. well. two can play that game' in that VOICE too? whew boy#like i think he should get to do that a little bit i think he should put me over his lap until i behave#fuck i think it should be more than that though like imagine him lifting you and just. like. tossing you onto the bed.#trying to sass him about the noise and he's like 'you think i give a shit about those guys when i got you right here?' like#i want him to take the wind out of me ya feel i want to talk shit get bit#hit a little too but like open handed#or maybe he tosses you on the bed and you're like 'oh shit oh shit' and then he sits at the foot of it and fucking#PULLS you onto his lap and rucks up your skirt just like that and there are a few moments - a hitched breath#'under negotiated kink' i don't CAREEE that's part of the fantasy like how hot would it be to just have someone tick those boxes untold#either way whether he gets wild or not (preferably yes but maybe needs time to warm up)#it's like. god. he should get to y'know. like (some of) my autonomy being taken from me without him ever overstepping is hot. hot. hot.#he should bend me over his lap and make me keep count while he very tenderly very lovingly mocks me#condescending about the great leader letting herself be treated like this and enjoying it literally makes you turn around#and finally finally touches you properly but he fucking laughs and you're red-faced and he goes 'isn't that embarrassing' and ramps up#so you can't even answer him#god should i try to write this#i think i'm too much of a perfectionist to do this sometimes because i'll stew and never get it done ugh#anyway.#filth#pure filth#thank you#i think we outdid that suggestive tag#smut#(for safety)
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idk if the kids still do the golden birthday thing but my bday is on july 30th and i was always like. well obviously i'm never going to reach my 30th birthday. and then when we started painting my room the fact that i'll be 30 in less than six months like Hit alongside the whole. we have a house that is ours and i'll share a bedroom wall with my best friend. and i started crying because i realized that like i really do have the chance to grow old and happy and not to be like "it gets better" but i really wish i could tell ten year old me how much happiness is in her future if she just hangs on
#kal.dir#i got really emotional because the space between my door the ninth's door and the boy's door is big enough for like#multiple people to stand there in / near my doorway to talk to me. because people standing in my doorway like#doesn't trigger me anymore. i'm not afraid of storms anymore. i realized last night that i like actually smile and laugh A Lot#not to therapize myself but i think that the way to deal with my anger issues might not be like making myself less of an angry person#but like. paying attention to and nourishing my ability to feel other emotions just as strongly#actively wanting to live is craaaaaazy. i have fomo about my own life because i love it so much i don't want to miss anything#<- this causes problems for me when i don't let anyone else take over. but generally speaking it's good
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siiiiiiigh
#i am in fact a grown adult who is still incapable of talking about their feelings and thoughts to people so I'll just rant here#my relationship with my mother is. so weird. it's not always bad but it always ends up bad for one reason or another#she can be perfectly civil and i'll still be irritated. other times i do try to tolerate it and engage and she ends up saying something#upsetting to me either way.#i don't want to keep being rude to her i don't want to get mad and annoyed all the time but i just can't stop. it's always like this#and i hate myself for it and i hate her and i hate everything about it#today i was leaving for work and she was like. i'll take the trash out of your room and i told her not to do it. she kept insisting and i#had to raise my voice at her to maybe get the point across to get her not to touch anything#and yes my room is a fucking mess and it is something to be embarrassed of. i just feel so fucking tired all time time and i keep tellin#myself that i will clean it this time for sure and then i don't. most of the time it's my mother taking care of it without my permission#and i am grateful for it bc nobody likes living in a mess... but i also fucking hate it because it makes me feel even more worthless#i just can't get rid of the feeling of shame. no matter what i do.#and back to the mother thing. i told her that if she touches anything i will go to her room and throw out anything that isn't nailed down#even though objectively i have no reason to oppose her helping me#but i also fucking hate it#maybe being rude is the only way to get it across. but also i get irritated about anything so easily#i feel shittier and shittier every day. had there been an easy and painless way of killing myself i would have done it already#and despite how much i want to blame this on a disorder or lack of access to medication. there is no magic pill that would fix me is there#i'm just a shitty person who cannot get it together despite everything being handed to me#i'm literally bad at anything and everything. i'm not even a good blogger lmao#people have it much worse in life and still do better. me? i'm useless. there's no helping it. i should have died from covid or something#nobody will save me. nobody cares enough. besides one person whom i push away because i can't stand her and i don't even know why 👍#if i stop messaging people first most of them would forget about me#i am alone. a lonely person in a messy room desperately trying to be entertaining so someone will pay a little bit of attention to me.#not to mention the geopolitics#i won't even go there. i hate the possibility that people might see it mentioned and give me shit for it#one more thing that is apparently my fault. directly or indirectly#all i want is to leave this country. spend the day with someone who cares for me like an actual friend. and then shoot myself so i don't#have to go back#sealene.txt
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I SWEAR I KEEP TRYING TO DO ART BUT THEN SOMETHING GETS IN THE WAY AND THEN I PROCRASTINATE AND THEN SIX MONTHS PASS
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/288609f94ccaf5728b9adf5bd69d9c89/e347f19dba181728-82/s400x600/fe361ac48fdb3916f2515cacb8f13844164c2103.jpg)
#this has been happening for like TWO YEARS BUT I SWEAR TO GOD I AM TRYING.#my usual art motivation (my webcomic idea) has been put on hold for a bit and because of that i forgort... everything#my will to draw specifically#but in my defense i have been writing k*arlach / oc indulgences and i've been VERY focused on finishing it#i also got a marketing manager (my friend <3) to help with advertising my comms and stuff so uh... look forward 2 that#i might need to start posting all of my art on a sideblog so she doesn't have to log into my main though#so there might be some changes#but i promise i want to do art!!!! but there's always something to do first and then months pass :(#or i get the urge to draw and then life is like ''have a cancer scare'' lmao...#(ended up being cancerous actually </3 but because it's skin stuff it was easy to remove)#(but that really took the piss out of me for most of july... not to mention that ffxiv released a new expansion and i have been...#having a good time with my new friends doing content and stuff!) i also made a friend irl after like 3-4 years of total isolation#we feed ants and watch them move around together and comment on their behaviour patterns...#but like when i say this takes literal hours.#we just sit out there and talk about random shit and watch ants walk across the floor. both of us hate ants btw.#like we don't like having them ON us so it's a bit like playing with fire.#but anyways yeah i've also been really low energy recently too bc of the heat and burnout from college...#but the good news is that i'm transferring in fall to a much more relaxing college & courseload!#i'm hoping it'll stop me from feeling so... awful ?? i guess ??#like i was taking classes i didn't need to that were really difficult & punishing#not to mention extremely boring & hard to pay attention to when dealing with literally anything. i did not want to be there.#my next college is much more interest-oriented so i will finally be able to take classes i want to and learn from them...!#and then maybe i will feel a bit more in control of my life / more encouraged to draw#anyways thank u for reading my ramble. hoping it all comes together soon.#i need to do a lot of work but most of it is so i can sell commissions again#but once the karlach fic is done we're so back on the webcomic train !!!!!!!!
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no like i really just stop caring about this stuff so immediately when there's no one to be attracted to like that lol it's kinda funny
#just stops feeling like anything that much at all#like you always post such awesome things come on#imagine not being interested#idk idk i'm trying to think of something to say that wouldn't probably sound a bit annoying but it's all just words fr#are you sure you don't feel uncomfortable with me like paying a bit too much attention to things you like to talk about or something?#because i lowkey feel like a huge stalker every time i even just look up a song or something it's like so weird#or like imagine posting about something myself i'd feel so inappropriate#but also like why not who cares#but idk :D#me talking about it like that probably already makes it feel weird#stupid awkwardness c':#is someone going to get mad at that now or what demisexuality really is exactly like asexuality like 90% or the time#like when you're not in a relationship with someone you do develop this kind of attraction to#and asexuality doesn't necessarily mean a person can't or wouldn't want to have sex because like it literally can still be enjoyable i gues#but not for me because with me nearly everyone just automatically becomes creepy and insufferable and acts like i owe them that and stuff#and it feels horrible and i hate it and now i'm actually seriously traumatized about that#so no no way thanks#love them specifically so much though it's insane❤️#damn i think i'm making it sound like they were insufferable too and like no they really weren't#okay can *you* even name a reason why i wouldn't be more interested in you than in someone else?#because i'm crushing hard and can't think of anything#sorry c':#❤️#means you're cool to feel whatever you feel and that acting on it in a way that enables people who are abusive to me is still weird#all the usual#it really is sad that people are like that and that we're like that because of that#like i said a few hours ago mhm
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I want its attention forever and ever and ever and ever and ever... ♡
#dollyrambles.txt#lovesickdoll.exe#mylovelyrabbit.exe#thinking about it <3#I don't have anything to talk about but I want it to pay attention to me#think of me always#talk to me whenever you can#I want to be the center of your world#forever and ever#we'll never be apart
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